Last night I had a crisis of sorts. The deal: if I'm not a soloist, I would rather devote my time to pulling the show together and just being the director than dancing in the corps. This feels very very diva to me, and that is not ok. It's like I think I'm too good for corps work, and that is so crap. And really, the pointe corps in this show is so much fun. It's hard. Really hard.

I've decided two things. First, I am not a total diva for having these thoughts. It's not like I'm saying "soloist or nothing." If I stepped back from dancing and switched to soley managing, I would actually probably spend more time committing myself. Yes, there is an element of unnecessary pride, but it doesn't make me a horrible person. I'm not a sulky bitch. Secondly, I'm going to dance. Yeah, even if I'm in the corps. Why not? I'm not too good for it, and it will be so much fun. Also, I know that if I didn't audition, I'd always regret it. What if I do get a soloist role? I managed to pull it off in Corsaire. Maybe it will happen again? Never know. Or at least, I would never know if I didn't audition.

So I'm auditioning. And I'm dancing.