Things suck. I am now going to write an entry about how things suck and I am sad. BUT, I'm a nice person, so to distract you from the whiny bitchy moany post, I am giving you a wonderous video.





So now, I hope you appreciated that. I move on: Things suck.

1. School sucks. I took my last exam yesterday, so maybe I can just put it all behind me, but I'm having a hard time. This quarter was just really bad, and then exams were just worse. I was counting on my exams to bring up my grades significantly, but it looks like they're going to do the opposite. It's just depressing. Firstly, I've done great in my civ(ilizations) class. I pulled off As on both of my papers and my teacher really likes my comments in class. So awesome. That's a guaranteed A. And yet, my exam was so bad, it might actually pull me down to a B. That's probably just my "things suck" side. I'll probably still get an A. But it is just a shitty feeling to turn in a really really bad exam in a class you are really really good at. At least it does for me. But before civ - like half an hour before - I finished my Japanese exam. Japanese, I accepted long ago, is not my forte. BUT I was pretty sure that with intense studying for the final I could pull off a B-. Not the case. I failed the final. Not Natalie's "oh no I didn't get an A" fail, but actual fail. Natalie doesn't actually fail classes. I've said this before, I think my sensei will give me a C because she is nice and knows I try, but still, it's that gut feeling of knowing I really did (deserve to) fail a class. And, as I just found out, she's not the one who grades the finals, so I may very well fail the class altogether anyway! What do I do if I actually failed? I can't retake it next quarter. I have to wait till next year. And then I have to try to get an entire non-indo-european language learned in my fourth year of college? Shit. I'm already trying to cram an entire linguistics major into two years instead of four. If I don't pass this class, my options are sort of...none. Oh, and then there's linguistics. Maybe I got 100 on the exam! Or maybe I got a C. I have no fucking clue. That class is bullshit. It's so disorganized and the teacher doesn't speak English. The information is so fascinating but I just have no idea what she says in her lectures, so I just don't go. Granted, I understand it a lot better than most people who go to class, so that's cool. On the whole, looking at A, B, and C. Or possibly A, B, and F. Either way the worst quarter or semester of my life.

Whine whine moan moan.

2. BALLET SUCKS. Primarily, I suck. As a dancer. Sometime last year I forgot that I quit ballet for a reason: I was bad at it. Well, I'm still bad at it. Now I have a principal role in Cinderella. I dance almost as much as Cinderella herself, actually more at the moment since she hasn't learned any of her pas de deux stuff yet. I got the part because I was whiny about wanting it, and then I set out to prove I deserved it. Well, I'm not doing such a great job with that. I don't deserve it. I look abysmal. Note that this is not just my opinion. It has been established at rehearsals and meetings. Also, one of the groups of dancers that I'm in change of has no idea what they're doing, and I just fail at getting them together. ALSO, on the executive side of things, we still don't have anyone to play Prince Charming, and we don't have nearly enough space to rehearse next quarter. That means Cinderella is going to be a shit show and it's going to be my fault. Way to go Executive Director.

3. Boys suck. I am a slut. That's almost all there is to say there. I walk around like a big slut. I have not really done anything so slutty that someone would point at me and shout "slut!" but I have been mean and disrespectful to guys I really care about, and my feelings on the matter are all over the place. Why can't I just find a good guy and fall in love with him? Specifically a guy who isn't already taken or who wants nothing to do with me. Why can't I fall in love with the wonderful guy who gives me everything?


WHINE WHINE WHINE. I'm a little spoiled brat and my life sucks. Blah blah blah.

Go watch the cat eating broccoli. It's hilarious.

Labels: ballet, boys, broccoli, cats, japanese, personal, school