Fun times roaming the streets of Hyde Park, Chicago, as well as the summer and holiday grind of Vero Beach, Florida.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Pre-School Jitters
They were there in pre-school and they are there now. I always wake up early on the first day of school. I don't want to, and I'm really tired. I even took a sleeping pill last night to prevent this, but fail. I was up at 5:35. Class is at 9:30, so it's fine. Still, 5:45 is a little too early for my liking to be up and showered.
So here's my schedule:
I'll have to add on drill and review sessions, as well as weekly appointments downtown and ballet. Of course ballet. But yeah, this is the template. Learning two new alphabets today. Wish my luck!
I went to a Quaker meeting today. Can you even believe that? Lauren is Quaker and she was kind enough to take me along. I've always been really curious about the denomination. Once, back in the magical age of early internet memes, I was deemed a better Secular Quaker than an atheist. Lauren talks about it really fondly, and it just sounded so nice, I figured I had to go.
It was really wonderful. We walked into the building and went into a nice huge classical living room with about fifty chairs arranged in facing the middle of the room. We sit down, and I immediately regret not turning off my phone already. It didn't ring, but just the noise of flipping the switch to vibrate was sooo loud. Then like three minutes later someone else turned off her phone and it actually made real noises, so clearly it was no big deal.
Then, no one moves or speaks, but there is just an unspoken amusment, because we hear The Brit. "Well hullo! I'm from BRITain!" Too difficult to continue. Just generally awesome. After the meeting he said to me, "Well, if life ever asks me to repeat itself - which I surely hope it won't! - I think I wouldn't have gone the the University of BRITain. No probably not the University of BRITain, but here at Chicago - that is...if they would HAVE me!!! Ho ho ho!"
Half an hour of silence. Just breath and squeaky chairs. In the next half hour, three or four people stood up and spoke. One talked about Ghandi and non-violence, another about feeling connected with the others at the meeting. I kind of wanted to give that second guy a hug. Especially when right before the meeting ended. He very calmly says, "May peace prevail on Earth and may it begin with me." I don't think I need to inform anyone reading this that I am NOT religious. I find the enitre concept a little hard to wrap my head around. But this man speaking was really speaking was really beautiful, even though he probably didn't say more than five sentences the entire time.
Afterwards everyone came to life and shook hands and said "Good morning." Then one man stood up and read announcements, while the regulars at the meeting laughed at inside jokes and generally became audibly connected instead of just spiritually.
Then we went downstairs and had fruit and coffee. Everyone was incredibly nice and welcoming. I met Eli, a very nice mentally challenged guy who really likes hugs and high fives, and got my physical contact quota for the week.
There's nothing that stands out as the defining moment. It was just generally a really great experience. I don't think I could do that every week, but is was just wonderful as a moment of peace.
Looking through my iPhone, there are lots of random pictures that need to be up on this blog. I think a few of them have been here before, but they are all worth showing.
Nobody up here thinks this van is funny. I do.
Bus stop = spider land The has got to be the happiest little boy ever. Check out that stick. One day I turned on my computer and it was upside down. No shit. I couldn't change it. I restarted it and it was fine. The fun street market on Clark St has a table (actually multiple tables) of scissors. The same street market specializes in tape, as well. Seriously, check out this guy's mustache. This guy is a real person in the Reg. This is how Olivia usually dresses. These kids like to steal my phone, so I take pictures of them with it instead, because that seems to keep them equally entertained. Nobody looks great when they wake up in the morning, but can you blame me for looking as bad as I do when this is what I have to wake up to every morning? This. Is. Hot. Damn. This was the view I had watching graduation in June. Pretty great, huh? There is a serious fortress around Obama's house. Can't go down that street. He's on a corner, and it's the intersecting street that is blocked off, not mine. This is Sara's hamster "Fitz." His real name is Not Michael Scott. This is pretty much the most useful fence I've ever encountered. Shanna came to visit and we went to the Bean. So sweet, at home I just name my electrical cables "Bob" and "Big-foot" and "Sparky." Just for good measure, here are some army men. I think that one is touching the other guy's butt. Don't ask, don't tell.
Sometimes things just feel too good to be true. If you hit it off with someone better than you could possibly expect, you might be certain that at some point something will be revealed that makes you squirm and run away. But then, sometimes there are things that are too good to not be true. Times when you know that at the very worst, you could still describe it as wonderful.
Why doesn't anybody ever talk about those times? They are so much more fun to talk about.
When I returned from whence I came (i.e. Vero Beach), I found a creature upon my bed. At first I thought it had grown out of one of the cat's ears, but then I realized the truth: it was my new best friend. Thank you, Lauren. I gave you the gift of learning to knit, and you gave me the gift of dear HC3.
Hey. Do you want to see something kind of cool? It is not very cool, but it is a little cool. You know all about Corsaire, I assume, unless you have never read this before. Well, I was a virgin whore, I mean, an Odalisque.
Guys, I am not a great dancer. I don't claim to be. But you know what? That's why I'm not a professional. But I do like it. And I had a lot of fun being and Odalisque, and I'm kind of proud of myself.
So here it is. Don't make fun, because I know I'm not great. It's just here for amusement, and some people have asked me to see it. So I'm the one on the very right of the screen, and I do the second variation.
Nope, it doesn't get much worse than talking about liposuction when you are eating dinner with friends with eating disorders. Nope. Way to go, Natalie. Way to go.
Not nearly enough people have signed up for cirlce game. It might get cancelled. That would be pretty sad, so email me!
So I'm in Florida. The good old Vizzle Bizzle you might say. Every time I come back here I realize more tiny differences that just get to me. Really, nothing important, but damn you get to notice them.
Weather
Hot and humid: Of course Vero is far more humid than Chicago, but amazingly, Chi-town doesn't realize this. They believe that because of Lake Michigan, they endure ultimate pain in the "brutally humid summer." They are crazy. I have to use lotion constantly to keep myself from drying out. Seriously, they're crazy. Also, 80 degrees is burning up and unbearable. Hahahaha.
Rain: I'm not sure they know what it is. The slightest sprinkle means STAY INDOORS BY ALL MEANS AND IF YOU MUST LEAVE THE HOUSE HAVE LIKE FOUR UMBRELLAS WITH YOU. Dudes, get over it. Fr sriel.
Winter: OK duh Chicago winters are crazy. Yes, understood. But it's worth mentioning. In Florida? Fourty degrees in cold enough to skip school. In Chicago, it's time to break out the short sleeves.
Nature
Creatures: This seems pretty silly, I know, but the tiny creature dynamic is weird, and really takes some getting used to. In Vero, it is simply understood that there there will be roaches in your house. You just deal with it, you know? Avoid as much as possible, but hey, it's going to happen. Also, and this one really gets me for some reason...lizards. Did you know there aren't any lizards up north? I never thought about it. There are lizards everywhere here. Everywhere. It's just, the way it is. I remember how much fun it was when I wa s little to catch them by their tails. This is not cruel, by the way, because their tails are completely detachable with no pain. Hence, it is just amusing, and you can start a lizard tail collection. I admit, I never did have a collection, but I sort of wish I did. And shit, Chicago has the only bug I've ever been afraid of - and I am seriously afraid of them - house centipedes.
Plants: Grass. Seriously. Different grass and it takes getting used to. St. Augustine grass everywhere. I don't know what it is in Chicago, but it is way totally different. You'd never expect something like that to affect you in the slightest, but I swear it really does. You walk through the park and you go, "why aren't my feet covered with sticky green stuff?" Also, fucking palm trees. I fucking hate palm trees. I'd say one of my favorite aspects of Chicago is the damn lack of palm trees. They are so gross.
People
Driving: So, this is absolutely hilarious. Drivers in Chicago actually complain about the traffic. I mean, yes it's really busy and there are traffic jams, but people honestly think that other people are bad drivers. I don't think it's really possible to communicate to an outsider how very lucky they are when it comes to driving. However, a brief example: Earlier today I drove to my grandmamans house on 8th street. The car in front of me went into idle at Glendale. Ok, you, clearly you are a crazy person. They then proceeded to stay in front of me (max four mph) all the way to Glendale Lakes (a good quarter of a mile). As we approached the neighborhood, they decided it would be appropriate to treat driveways like stop signs. Ah yes. Brilliant plan. Then they go to turn (where I need to turn of course. They come to a dead stop, sit there for three cars to go past (which all started on the other side of the light, before daring to turn. So I think, well, it's a neighborhood with no lanes, you know? So I can easily pass the idiots. Alas, no. They drive (or rather, idle) RIGHT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Anyway, that's just today's experience. Something on par to that usually happens on a daily basis here.
Politics: Biggest difference obviously, except for maybe the weather. Vero, I'd say, is about 90% Republican, and at least 60% fundamentalist Christian. This, my friends, is ridiculous. I have a friend with the last name Islam, and my "completely middle of the road" government teacher actually had the nerve to ask her what religion she was. Also, because she was sort of surveying the class, I informed her that I was an atheist, completely secular. She corrected me, informing me that I actually agnostic, and that being pro-choice meant being pro-abortion. I informed her again that I was an atheist, and still, she never did accept this.
Not really people: In Vero, and I guess in most of Florida, it is just sort of assumed that you have a pool. Not everybody has one, of course. My dad has one but my mom doesn't. A lot of my friends don't have them. But if you don't, you often qualify it when describing your house. The concept of a pool in Chicago is absolutely insane. This is slightly disconcerting.
That's all I can think of at the moment. I know there are many many others, but I'll post them later if I think about it.
So, Sarah Palin. She's kind of a joke. I get it. Give it a rest. The jokes are getting old, and really, are they important at all? Her experience level, yes. But now I'm pretty sure there's not a single registered voter who hasn't heard all about it.
I will say that the whole idea of her possibly being the grandmother of the youngest child and covering it up is a big deal to me. I just think it's kind of disgusting though, not so much funny.
Maybe I'm just being a boring person. Maybe the whole thing is really funny and I need to embrace it and start appreciating how retarded she is. And yes, of course, I acknowledge how retarded she is.
Back in the spring I wrote a post about what I've been through this last year, but I never got up the courage to post it, because I thought people would hate me for putting it up. But right now (as you might have guessed from my recent rant) I am going through some more shit, and maybe it would be good to finally be open about it all.
Still too scared that people will hate me, but maybe in a few days I'll pull it together.
This is not very amusing, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately and really want to put it out there.
A lot of people know I have a history of dealing with mental health issues. That's fine. I don't care if you know that or what you think about it. Maybe you think the whole thing is a serious matter, and you think treatment is a good thing. Cool. Thanks. I'm trying to believe that myself. Another option is that you think mental disorders are pure bullshit. I very often lean this way. I like to think that anything that can't be proved with a blood test is not a disease. Or maybe it's Lupus (sry House lawl). In this case, you might be thinking to yourself, "Damn Natalie, you're totally faking for attention." I can definitely see why you would think this, and I often think that myself, so go right ahead thinking that.
BUT. There is a but. Here I am going to stop talking about myself and start talking in the generic, because I don't really feel like going into the specifics of my history. If someone is doing something that is a symptom of a "mental disease," something needs to be done about it, whether or not it is a disease, whether or not it is just for attention. Because what if it is just to get people to notice or feel sorry or something? Honestly if someone is cutting themselves / drinking outlandishly / starving themselves / bingeing / purging / doing drugs / whatever just to get your attention, maybe they need your attention. If they feel so damn shit-tastic that they think they need to do that (for your attention), they probably need some attention.
You know how I've been playing the Sims lately? Skip the part where that's funny and just straight to the fact that you know damn well you've played it, too. There's that list of needs, you know, that you can't let get into the red or your sim will pee himself or pass out or yell and scream or, occasionally, die. Well, right next to "hunger," "energy," "bladder," and "hygiene," there is "social." Holy shit, even sims need people to pay attention to them for them to "survive."
Ok, I'm going to jump back into my own story for a second to make a point. When I was fourteen I went through "treatment" for cutting myself. The first psychiatrist I saw, the person who set the stage for the entire idea of "getting better," told me I was just doing it for attention, and that I really needed to stop because obviously I had a really good life. She was not wrong. I did (do) have a really great life. But fuck, lady, I was cutting myself. Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't getting the attention I needed.
The reason I've been thinking about all this is that there is someone very important in my life with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). If you don't know what that is, it's probably similar to what you think of when you think "split personality," but of course much more complex. I don't pretend to know much - or anything - about it, but I do know how it has come to be a part of her as a person. She is currently trying to get help with another part of her life, something that would be difficult for anyone, and I can't imagine how she has the strength to do it. But the professionals she has to deal with in order to address this issue do not believe in DID. They think it's like Santa or something. Of course, Santa doesn't usually show up asking for help and then suddenly turn into the Easter Bunny and still need your help. Even if you convinced yourself that she is just a really fantastic actress, and that the whole thing is made up, ask yourself why she would make it up? This is her life. Whether it is something that happened to her or something that she is actively doing, this is her life. How can you pretend to be helping her if you are ignoring what she is? I really really want to punch someone. If you have had such damn hard time in life that you a) divide your own self in half or b) go to the lengths of creating this narrative so that people pay attention to you, you deserve to be given some fucking attention.
Ok. Sorry. It's just been bugging the shit out of me lately. And let me just make it perfectly clear, because I want zero confusion whatsoever on this, that I do not think my friend is faking or doing it for attention or whatever you want to call that side of the spectrum. It is clear to me that it is painfully genuine, and I think the idea of medical professionals not recognizing it as an illness or disorder is pretty disgusting.
End rant. Promise. You won't hear about it (online) again.
In the spirit of being a nerd, I'm giving Google Chrome a shot. I love Google. Who doesn't? I really do. I tried to download it on Tuesday but they were having some server issues. I don't blame them. I haven't used it much yet, but I don't even know whether I want to like it or not yet. As much as I love love love Google and basically worship anything they touch, I love my Flock. I switched over to Flock from Firefox a few months ago, and while it took a while to get used to it, now I can't imagine going back. I said this all before, but I'll reiterate. I can definitely understand why someone would want nothing to do with Flock. It's very very busy, pretty much the opposite of what Google will give you. On the level of errors and service, it's pretty much on par with Firefox (=awesome). Crashes occasionally, but not nearly as often as IE, and the pop-up blocker has yet to fail me. Honestly, not a single pop-up since I switched to Flock.
Google, I love you. I'm giving you a chance. But this once, just this once, I have a feeling I'll turn to someone else.
Already, though...Chrome is super fast, super clean, and I already love the incognito mode and the feature that remembers recently closed tabs. I am horrible at closing tabs accidentally, and I've definitely been waiting for an easy way to reopen them.
We'll just have to see I guess. Anybody else have opinions?
P.S. One thing I do NOT like about it: It won't let me import settings from Flock! It seems to think IE and Firefox are the only browsers on my computer. Not cool, dude. Not cool.
Oh man, tutu operation just got busted. Cover is blown. Actually, cover never existed. I mean, there is a hose duct taped to the bathtub faucet that leads out of the bathroom and into a bedroom where there is a kiddie pool full of water and tutus. You try to make up a cover story for that.
Anyway, landlords played a surprise visit today to fix a leak in the other bathroom (completely unrelated to tutus) and stumbled upon the hose. Oh man. The husband was just completely baffled. I managed to convince them it was all over and no big deal, but about two minutes after they left the wife came back and freaked out.
So I think Operation Clean Gross-Ass Tutus has come to an early termination point. Alas, we still have lots of gross-ass tutus.
