Hi cat lovers. Here's a great video (courtesy of The Onion) on how to put the spark back into the relationship with your cat. Gilroy and I will be trying some new tricks tonight. Maybe even Audrey will join in. Who can say?

Labels: amusing, cats

Holy crap world, you need to see this:

C Me Dance

Ballet, cancer, hanging out, stigmata, and Lucifer, all rolled into one film. Yay!

Labels: amusing, ballet, movies

Today is a palindrome: 01/02/2010

Also, this was an ad on Facebook - I'm thoroughly weirded out:

Labels: amusing, palindromes

I may post about Christmas and the like later, because it was all very nice, but after a hellish quarter of phonetics and phonology and then Linguick turning this up on Twitter, I have to post:
Cheat on Your Phonetics Exam/Geeky Vowel Chart Tattoo

Labels: amusing, linguistics

Dear Amazon.com Customer,

We've noticed that customers who have purchased or rated The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 25th Anniversary Edition by Douglas Adams have also purchased 400 Knitting Stitches: A Complete DIctionary of Essential Stitch Patterns by Crown. For this reason, you might like to know that 400 Knitting Stitches: A Complete DIctionary of Essential Stitch Patterns will be released on November 17, 2009. You can pre-order yours at a savings of $6.18 by following the link below.

______________

There are so many things wrong with this. Why is it a DIctionary instead of a Dictionary...twice? How is it that many people have purchased it without it being published. Why, why is it linked to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? And why do I suddenly have the desire to transcribe that classic title into IPA?

Labels: amusing

Once you start playing with this simple sine wave thing-y you won't want to stop. Thanks, Joe!
http://lab.andre-michelle.com/tonematrix

Labels: amusing

What the fuck? THIS is completely unacceptable.

Labels: amusing, ballet

This is an excerpt from a reading for Topics in Japanese Grammar class:

For instance:
(31) Kaseijin-tati-ga semetekita
Martian-TATI-Nom came to attack
‘Martians came to attack.’
Imagine the following situation. Martians conquered every part of the earth,
except for Canada, and Canadians now await the last assault. The army
storming towards Canada actually consists mainly of earthlings, led by a
handful of Martians. In this situation, Canadians are likely to say the
sentence in (31) even if they are aware that the number of Martians in
the army is rather small. Thus, in certain cases, the majority does not matter.

Just thought I'd share. I like the idea of Canadians suddenly speaking Japanese when under attack from outer space.

Labels: amusing, linguistics, martians

Mixing up Jean Bennett Ramsey and Jean-Claude van Damme is pretty great. Way to go, Nick.

Labels: amusing, Nick

Thanks to my mom for sharing with my this fantastic video of a lunar landing anniversary celebration at the Vero Beach Book Center with me.

Labels: amusing

Neither aliens nor obnoxious teenagers are making crop circles. Actually drugged out Auzzie-Animals. Seriously, stoned wallababies.

Labels: amusing, news

When you're roommate compliments your shirt and you realize suddenly and respond "it's inside out," and you both understand the circumstances, there are just so many reasons to laugh.

Labels: amusing

Nutcracker #2 of the year today. I'm trying to imagine what number it is of my lifetime, and I couldn't really begin to guess. Well, I could try. 30? 50? Somewhere in between, maybe. Unless we're counting rehearsals, too, which may count because of the incredible Christmas cheer overload they bring on. In that case, hundreds and hundreds.

It was Ballet Florida at the Kravis Center in West Palm. The dancing was about par for the course, but the production value was phenomenal. I've never seen a ballet with so many tricks and flashes and smoke bombs and craziness like that. AND GLITTER! So much glitter! Pushing gratuitous, but not quite. Mostly just cool. However, Marie Hale did come out and ask for money for like fifteen minutes. Maybe if they cut back on glitter...

So yeah, that was fun. It was mostly fun to hang out with Shannababe. Yay for Vero friends.

And an amusing anecdote involving Joe, my mom's boyfriend:

My mom and I are having a debate. The bathrooms in the ice cream shop we often go to in West Palm (Sloan's) have interesting doors. Interesting as in they are totally see through, until you lock them, when they become opaque. My mom claims they are only opaque from the outside, but that you can still see out while you are in them. I insist that they are opaque in both directions. Shanna (who sparked the debate by being the one to go in the bathroom) couldn't answer us, since the women's room was broken, and it was covered up. So Joe went inside to investigate. And to go to the bathroom.

Joe comes back out and announces that my mother is correct. He went in the men's room, turned the latch, and it was opaque on the outside but not on the inside. I asked how he could be sure of both, since he was only inside and not outside, but he sort of ignored me. My mom is now very very happy because she has defeated me, but I know she really hasn't.

Ok, I just typed out the story of why I am absolutely positive that I'm right, but it seems inappropriate, and involves me being a naughty 15 year old. I'll just leave it at that.

Still, no no no, Natalie's wrong. Then I protest, "But they have the signs! There are signs that say 'Make sure you can't see us or we can see you!'" My mom thinks I'm making it up, but Shanna says she thinks she remembers something like that. And then Joe verifies.

Here the story becomes funny. My mother's boyfriend is apparently a crazy old man. He verified that there really were signs up saying that if you can see out, anyone else can see in. And yet...he still went to the bathroom. With a poor woman standing right outside. Looking "not impressed." Crazy. Old. Man. Crazy old man who pees in public. Nice job.

I realize this story doesn't translate very well, and that's ok. I enjoyed reliving it just now with the typing it out. But, if you ever go to Sloan's on Clematis Street in West Palm (and you should because it's awesome) and you have to go to the bathroom, lock the damn door.

Labels: amusing, ballet, nutcracker

Today is the day when sticky tack stops working, apparently. Everything in my room just fell down. Admittedly not all at once, but over the course of three or four hours, all my pictures/porn/posters have fallen down. Sad day.

Labels: amusing, sticky tack

I have a new pastime:
http://alteredqualia.com/visualization/evolve/

Labels: amusing, internets

Man Allegedly Assaults Girlfriend With Burger

Filed at 11:30 p.m. ET

VERO BEACH, Fla. (AP) -- A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.

The man was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.

Labels: amusing, news, vero beach

"Well, you see, Natalie. I'm playing Warcraft here and it requires a lot of mental stimulation, so to keep myself going I have to doon-doon-doo and twitch my face."
- my brother, Gabe

Labels: amusing, Gabe

I mean, why wouldn't you want to live in a town that's been on fire since 1962?

Labels: amusing, fire

This video just made my day. It's 9:30 in the morning, but I know for a fact that nothing can get me down today. Why? Because I have seen ninja cat.

Labels: amusing, cats, ninjas, videos

You don't really need the whole article. Read the headline. The article simply restates it. Appreciate the mental image.

Labels: amusing, australia, news, underpants

Perseverance - ur doin it rite, but kinda weird

A for effort
D for intelligence
B+ for business card production
F for subtlety
A+ for never letting go of your dreams

Labels: amusing, grades, news

This has been a really good week for fucking ridiculous news articles with animals and people who probably deserve to be shot.

At least one actually got shot.

Labels: amusing, animals, foxes, getting shot, news

Hours and hours of amusement and putting off your philosophy paper.
Poke the penguin.

Labels: amusing, paper, penguins, poking

Labels: amusing

You know those annoying shirts that are like, actors do it on stage, dentists do it in your mouth, and nuns do it with the holy spirit. I hate them. They are dumb. Ok, I do kind of like ballet dancers do it on barres, but I'm biased.

I found one worthwhile today:
UChicago students do it...theoretically.

Labels: amusing, u of c

Natalie: I dunno, when I think "cows in Africa" I just kind of think...wildebeest? I don't think you can milk those.

Rachel: No way. All wildebeest are good for are trampling your lion dad.

Labels: amusing, lion, wildebeest

Where else could you find this?

Thank you writing department of the University of Chicago. I just finished a ten-page paper in 4 and a half minutes.

Labels: amusing, chicago, school

Today everyone in the ballet commune shared a really special experience. Michael (our wonderful token boy) got trapped in the bathroom. Seriously, very, really trapped.

It was Olivia's birthday party (happy birthday, love) so there about ten, twelve people here. Most people were headed to the MODA fashion show, including Michael, and they were running a little late. Michael went to use the restroom before they left. About five minutes later, Megan came stumbling from the hallway, announcing that he was locked in. Our bathroom door has issues, and people often get confused about how to get out, so we were not surprised. We were surprised when we told him the tricks of how to get out, and there was no way around the fact that he was completely trapped.

The situation: Door locked. Lock does not turn. Latch is stuck. There is no doorknob, at all. Hinges on inside of door. No sort of tools inside to get the door off the hinges. We have a screwdriver on the outside, but it is ineffective. We try the credit card trick. No luck. Window exists to climb out of. Window has wrought iron bars over the bottom half. Michael is a bigger guy. Michael tries to squeeze out the top half of the window. Fail.

The solution: Rachel comes to the rescue. Somehow, she understands that even though the screwdriver failed, there must be a way to turn the latch from the whole where the doorknob should be. In a stroke of pure brilliance, she grabs two chopsticks and shoves them in the hole. Success! Michael is free. Everyone ends up being very late to the fashion show because of the half hour effort to free him, and then the additional twenty minutes of laughing our asses off.

Good times.

Labels: amusing

I've put the children to bed. Can I go to bed now? I am so sleepy. They have a dinner time cookie time on Fridays and a song for bathroom time and a special rhyme that keeps them safe in their bubble all night long. I want that. I wish somebody would tuck me in.

Lincoln, the four year old, declared before going to bed, "I like you. You are allowed to come back." I thanked him and told him I would love to come back, but Maggie, the two (almost three) year old said, "No. She can't come back because I don't like her." I said, "I'm sorry you don't like me, Maggie. I won't come back if you don't want me to. But why don't you like me?" "Because," she said, "your earring is all bent and why are you wearing earrings but not a necklace?"

Also, Maggie is under the impression that she does not have to wear a diaper at night because she is a girl and has a China but Lincoln has to because he is a boy and has an eenis. I told her I didn't realize that's how it worked, and she told me that from now on I don't have to wear my diaper to bed if I have a China. Thanks, Maggie. I'll keep that in mind.

Labels: amusing, children

If you've ever met me, you are probably aware that I can't go to the beach. I have a horrible phobia of wide open spaces, and if I can see the horizon line, I have a panic attack. Equally crippling are my reactions to large groups of people I don't know and jellyfish. God I hate jellyfish.

Anyway, today I'd like to add something else to my irrational fears list: tupperware. It's not exactly panic attack worthy, and it's definitely not jellyfish, but still...it's just so weird. It makes me uncomfortable. I tried to do the dishes today and all of Olivia's tupperware was in the sink and I just couldn't do it. I washed a few and then just retreated into my room fully creeped out.

I doubt that anyone I ever meet will share my irrational creeped-out-ed-ness at reusable plastic food storage containers, but does anyone else have anything super weird/normal that makes them irrationally uncomfortable? I'd like to feel like I'm not completely wacked.

Labels: amusing, personal

I've been doing some research lately (hell, I have to do something with myself) and have come to a very interesting conclusion: In Hyde Park, there exists at least one person in each apartment building who may or may not appear normal. This person is in fact crazy. It is the personal mission of this person to throw more salt or shovel more snow on the streets and sidewalks than any of the other crazy people with the exact same mission.

Did someone put them up to it? I don't think so. I do know that they are not paid in any way for their services, nor do they make eye contact with anyone except other crazy people. Also, either these particular people do not exist during the rest of the year, or they hibernate, and get some internal transmission every time it snows. Then, they awaken to begin their silent battle for glory and clean sidewalks.

Meanwhile, the sane(r) members of the community walk on slightly less annoying streets. Thanks, crazy people.

Labels: amusing, chicago, daily grind, weather

Joe posted this article in his livejournal about a guy who cut off his hand and microwaved it thinking it had the mark of the devil. There's also this guy who killed and cooked and possibly ate his ex-girlfriend. What exactly is the appeal? Haven't you ever smelled burning flesh? It's gross. It's not exactly like waking up to bacon on the stove.

So guess what? I'm out of the hospital! Sweet! I still can't go back to school, but I'm going to petition to take one or two classes spring quarter. Econ and an elective or something. Or maybe stat. I don't know. Something. Then maybe I can get sosc out of the way over the summer? That would be awesome. This quarter though, nothing. I feel like I should get a job; everyone expects me to. I really don't want to, though. The idea of it is stressing me out like crazy. Everyone who knows my case has said the same thing to me: "What's so wrong with taking a few weeks to really enjoy yourself and do exactly what you want to do without obligations? This may be the only time in your life you can do that."

Well, I don't want to be special. I want to be normal. Normal people have responsibilities and obligations. Normal people don't just take money from their parents to live in Chicago without school or a job.

Labels: amusing, personal, school

Every wanted to see some awesome things online? Here are a few.

• These people look like their dogs.
  
• This answers any question you ever had about religion/spirituality.
  
• Dontclick.it. I mean, click this, but dontclick.it.
  
• Several cool surveys and psych tests.
  
• A dude who knows how to handle rejection.
  
• Many invisible computer desktops.
  
• And finally, a message to all nerds.
  

That's enough for now.

Labels: amusing

Today's dinosaur comic is particularly hilarious. And by hilarious, I mean nerdy.

Labels: amusing

I've never been much of a drunk dialer, so instead, let me start a new Natalie-tradition: drunk blogging.

Tonight's post: Holy shit I am so fucking wasted. Sorry if I fucked anything up at your apartment Robyn.

I will post pictures tomorrow.

Oh shit I have to teach intermediate tomorrow. I'm fucked.

Why didn't Jon come? There were lots of disappointed ballerinas.

Labels: amusing, ballet, daily grind

My new favorite quote:

"Soldier's curiosity was hot:
Do girls love me? Do they not?

"But the soldier was rejected with contempt -

"Soldier will be rough and blunt,
Always chasing after cunt."

Labels: amusing, books

All women really want is to be called on a semi-regular but still mostly random basis to hear a man's voice say, "Hey name-of-woman, I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. You know, I always love talking to you and being with you. I just can't help thinking about you when we're not together."

Ta-da.

So, gather up a bunch of college guys with moderately sexy voices and collect a subscription fee from interested females. I'm thinking $5 a month for somewhere between 5 to 10 calls per month. (It has to be random, remember.) If they want the premium package they can pay $10 to have the guy ask how her day is going, and throw in an "Oh that's so funny!" "Wow, I wish I could have been there," or "That must have really hurt you. I'm sorry you had to go through that," every now and then.

Excellent.

Labels: amusing

So, despite the fact that when you Google it the number two result is the "Commercials I Hate" forum, I am absolutely in love with the new Snickers Feast! commercial series. I love it. The one with the feasting horn and the sad sound just cracks me up every time.

Also, a bug just flew up my nose as I was typing that. What the fuck?

I want a Snickers.
So, yeah, effective advertising.

...because, you know...they're filling. Like a feast. 'Cause of the peanuts. And stuff.



...



FEAST!

Labels: amusing, tv

I've had a bunch of people ask me how I made those pictures earlier (the full album is on facebook). It's a website called the St. Andrew's Face Transformer, and it's pretty damn sweet. If you do it, send me your best morphs and I'll post them if you want.

Labels: amusing, nattily

I could be blogging about how horrible my week was. How I lost my wallet. How I missed my therapy and my IOP because I had no money, no CTA card. How I couldn't go see my cousins in Florida because I had to present a project for Bio. How my project for bio was really shitty. How even if I had gone to the airport after class and tried to fly home, I couldn't, because I have no money and no driver's license. How yesterday I stopped to give some family directions and some homeless guy shouted "move" and violently pushed me out of the way so hard that there is a knot the size of a golf ball in my left shoulder and I think I will have to see a doctor.

BUT NO.
I am blogging about how sexy I am as a black person. That's right, check it out:



Unfortunately, I'm pretty ugly both as an old person:



and as a man:

Labels: amusing, chicago, personal

I'm not going to go into detail about this, but May is National Masturbation Month, and I think everyone should be aware.

Labels: amusing

French verb of the day: enculer

May I suggest Google Translate?

Labels: amusing, French

Susan: You want to go to Bart Mart with me?
Alex: I'll go with you in spirit, if you bring me back some candy.

Labels: amusing, friends