Labels: facebook, japanese

Facebook doesn't seem to know me very well at all...



EDIT: several hours later...

Labels: facebook, japanese

Japanese is over! Just finished my final (yes it's only 10:05am) and that means I'm completely done with it. Forever if I so choose, and I probably will choose, thank you very much.

I also have my linguistics exam today. It should be fine, I did pretty well on the midterm and I got this in my inbox yesterday:

I enjoyed your paper: do you mind if I share it? you are exploring new linguistic territory!
John Goldsmith

That gives me an unreasonable amount of confidence in my abilities to do well on the final. But in my minimal preparation for it last night, I read a really interesting article about ASL. I won't get into why it was interesting, because I'm sure in reality it's really boring. I just want to point out that I was interested in it, with hopes that next year will be the same. :)

Oh, and...
I am tougher than I look.

Labels: asl, done, japanese, linguistics, nattily

My attempts to design a new nattily are proving completely futile. Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? I hate the current layout, but I'm just stuck. Remember my popcorn one way back in the day? That was pretty sweet. Sloppy, but awesome.

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I have studied for Japanese so damn much this weekend. If I don't pull off a B on the exam I will be very very sad. I think I deserve it.

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I haven't taken class (as in ballet) in like two weeks. I'm going to get all fat and stuff. No good. Bad Natalie.

Labels: ballet, japanese, nattily

I think I can soon be free from Japanese. This is good because I just took my oral exam. Bad bad news. Baddest of news. Japanese in general makes me feel like an incompetent idiot, but compared to what I just said in my oral exam, I'm a fucking sensei in class.
Role play...
Natalie (in broken Japanese): Tanaka San, there is a test Wednesday. Would you like to study in the library tonight?
Sensei: Yes, let's study. What time?
Natalie: 8pm?
Sensei: At 8pm I have my part-time job. 8:30?
Natalie: ...
Sensei: 8:30 is that good?
Natalie: ...
Sensei: 8:30 is that good?
Natalie: (drops head into hands)
Sensei: 8:30 is that good?
Natalie: Oh, 8:30. Yes, that's good.

So that was great.

Anyway, here's the deal. Some idiot (and I don't know who) told me ASL (American Sign Language) doesn't count towards the linguistics requirement. So while I was signed up for it initially, I dropped it and switched to Japanese.

WELL motherfucker, it counts. For my major. I want to rewind so badly. I want to get rid of all the pain and tears (lots of tears) this class has brought. I want to learn ASL!

So, decision 95% final, I'm dropping Japanese spring quarter. Fuck it. I'll start ASL next year (because the sequence doesn't start mid-year) and that might mean conflicting times with other required classes for linguistics. Which means...I might not graduate on time. So fuck. But you know what, I took a year off and I switched majors. Is it soo big a deal if I graduate a quarter or two late? Don't tell me yes. I say no. Still haven't talked to my dad, who will have to pay for those quarters, but I'm pretty sure he's willing to give a little (ok a lot) extra for me to have some sort of peace of mind. I don't deserve the torture that is Japanese for any longer. After next Tuesday, this is overrrrr. Over with lots of Rs.

This is me:

Labels: defeat, japanese

I have not blogged in a long time. That is a true statement. Good job, Natalie.

Sometimes I get in moods where I want to limit my blog to things completely impersonal, and typically at those times my personal life gets explosive and squeezes out anything bloggable.

1. I'm quitting ballet. I can't do it anymore. It makes me hate myself. I look shitty, I feel shitty, and that sort of just makes me shitty. So I'm performing in Cinderella and then I won't dance anymore. It used to be fun. Now it's only hurtful. It also makes other dancers who were close friends lose respect for me, and that isn't worth it.

2. Japanese is hard.

3. I don't understand anything in my linguistics class. I find this to be a pretty big problem since I'm just in an intro course, and it's my damn major.

4. I have a hell of a lot of Japanese homework due and a civ presentation today. I have a Japanese midterm and a linguistics (impossible) problem due tomorrow. I have a linguistics midterm on Thursday.

5. I was in the hospital on Wednesday unable to stand up or see straight and no one can tell me what was wrong. In a 48 hour period this weekend I slept for 40 hours.

6. Japanese is hard.

7. I think I'm losing my grip.

Labels: ballet, japanese, linguistics, lists, school

I'm not sure how to say this. I'm afraid if I put it out for the public to see then my professor will find it and fix the error, but...

I got a B+ in Japanese.

Labels: japanese, school

Things suck. I am now going to write an entry about how things suck and I am sad. BUT, I'm a nice person, so to distract you from the whiny bitchy moany post, I am giving you a wonderous video.





So now, I hope you appreciated that. I move on: Things suck.

1. School sucks. I took my last exam yesterday, so maybe I can just put it all behind me, but I'm having a hard time. This quarter was just really bad, and then exams were just worse. I was counting on my exams to bring up my grades significantly, but it looks like they're going to do the opposite. It's just depressing. Firstly, I've done great in my civ(ilizations) class. I pulled off As on both of my papers and my teacher really likes my comments in class. So awesome. That's a guaranteed A. And yet, my exam was so bad, it might actually pull me down to a B. That's probably just my "things suck" side. I'll probably still get an A. But it is just a shitty feeling to turn in a really really bad exam in a class you are really really good at. At least it does for me. But before civ - like half an hour before - I finished my Japanese exam. Japanese, I accepted long ago, is not my forte. BUT I was pretty sure that with intense studying for the final I could pull off a B-. Not the case. I failed the final. Not Natalie's "oh no I didn't get an A" fail, but actual fail. Natalie doesn't actually fail classes. I've said this before, I think my sensei will give me a C because she is nice and knows I try, but still, it's that gut feeling of knowing I really did (deserve to) fail a class. And, as I just found out, she's not the one who grades the finals, so I may very well fail the class altogether anyway! What do I do if I actually failed? I can't retake it next quarter. I have to wait till next year. And then I have to try to get an entire non-indo-european language learned in my fourth year of college? Shit. I'm already trying to cram an entire linguistics major into two years instead of four. If I don't pass this class, my options are sort of...none. Oh, and then there's linguistics. Maybe I got 100 on the exam! Or maybe I got a C. I have no fucking clue. That class is bullshit. It's so disorganized and the teacher doesn't speak English. The information is so fascinating but I just have no idea what she says in her lectures, so I just don't go. Granted, I understand it a lot better than most people who go to class, so that's cool. On the whole, looking at A, B, and C. Or possibly A, B, and F. Either way the worst quarter or semester of my life.

Whine whine moan moan.

2. BALLET SUCKS. Primarily, I suck. As a dancer. Sometime last year I forgot that I quit ballet for a reason: I was bad at it. Well, I'm still bad at it. Now I have a principal role in Cinderella. I dance almost as much as Cinderella herself, actually more at the moment since she hasn't learned any of her pas de deux stuff yet. I got the part because I was whiny about wanting it, and then I set out to prove I deserved it. Well, I'm not doing such a great job with that. I don't deserve it. I look abysmal. Note that this is not just my opinion. It has been established at rehearsals and meetings. Also, one of the groups of dancers that I'm in change of has no idea what they're doing, and I just fail at getting them together. ALSO, on the executive side of things, we still don't have anyone to play Prince Charming, and we don't have nearly enough space to rehearse next quarter. That means Cinderella is going to be a shit show and it's going to be my fault. Way to go Executive Director.

3. Boys suck. I am a slut. That's almost all there is to say there. I walk around like a big slut. I have not really done anything so slutty that someone would point at me and shout "slut!" but I have been mean and disrespectful to guys I really care about, and my feelings on the matter are all over the place. Why can't I just find a good guy and fall in love with him? Specifically a guy who isn't already taken or who wants nothing to do with me. Why can't I fall in love with the wonderful guy who gives me everything?


WHINE WHINE WHINE. I'm a little spoiled brat and my life sucks. Blah blah blah.

Go watch the cat eating broccoli. It's hilarious.

Labels: ballet, boys, broccoli, cats, japanese, personal, school

In forty minutes I have to go fail a Japanese oral exam. Fuckity fuck. I have never struggled so badly in a class. Ok that's not totally true. But last time I had to leave school, and there were, uh, extenuating circumstances. This is the first class that I honestly should be able to get an A in and I just fucking can't. I mean, I'm hoping for a B-, and I kind of doubt I'll even get that. And on the oral exam? I'm hoping for a not F. That's all. A not F. Not an A instead of an F, just a not F. Ok fine, "not an F" if you insist, and I can just tell, you're insisting.

The rest of Natalie's life is equally dismal. It's winter, so all I can think about is Highland Park Hospital and the sheer shit that was last winter. SUCK. It sucked. It will not suck again like it did last winter. It just, you know, literally can't. But I'm reliving last winter in my mind and I'm not happy about it.

Also, the cops stopped me on my way home yesterday and almost didn't let me go through because I have a Florida driver's liscence. Note that I did in fact give that number to my landlords who should have given it to the secret service who should let me get to my own home. But alas, no such luck. Instead I had to pull the "I'm a little innocent white girl" act. Which, I guess, isn't exactly an act. It worked though. I don't think I can pull it off again, though. They were pretty reluctant.

Labels: japanese, obama, school, winter

You probably haven't heard, so let me enlighten you. Obama won.

Labels: election, japanese, obama

Sometimes when I get bored I tilt my head to a new angle and see something in a way I have never seen it before.

Labels: bored, japanese